Wind Beneath My Wings
by MikeJaffa
Summary: Companion to "Only Girl in the World:" Dylan finds out what's eating at Beka during the series finale


TITLE: Wind Beneath my Wings  
AUTHOR: MikeJaffa  
SUMMARY: Dylan has to answer a question from Beka during the series finale.  
DISCLAIMER: I own neither the rights to GENE RODDENBERRY'S ANDROMEDA nor the rights to the lyrics for "The Wind Beneath my Wings." I am using both without permission and making no money off this. Please don't sue me.  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: After I wrote "Only Girl in the World," another exisle user asked me about Dylan's side of the conversation with Beka. I panicked because I hadn't thought about it. Then, by the afternoon, I'd come up with this.

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/

Funny how life works out, isn't it?

Stop me if you've heard this one:

A human and a Nietzschean are walking through the corridors of a starship. The human is as happy as a clam because he's getting married, and the Nietzschean is talking about genetics and how the human's bride thinks he'll reproduce. "As the Great Philospher wrote," the Nietzschean says, "'Man is, for woman, a means. The end is always a child.'" The human calls his Nietzschean friend a romantic. Within an hour, the Nietzschean is dead and the human wishes he was.

I don't have a joke here, Beka. That's how the day I met you started.

Yet it all seems so long ago as we walk to command. We are facing another moment of truth - perhaps THE Moment of Truth. Trance's people have a plan to destroy the Abyss which has one slight drawback: The Three Galaxies will be destroyed too. I have my suspicions about this, but as always I keep them to myself. In any event, we had a staff meeting on what to do next, and although a High Guard Ship isn't a democracy, I put it to a vote. Harper was all in after watching Earth's destruction. (I know what he's going through better than anybody, but he has the rest of us. He'll make it.) Rommie - in. Of course. You said it was hopeless, but "on the other hand," you asked what we had been fighting for. So you gave me your support. Only Doyle held things up, but she agreed for Harper. I gave everyone their assignments and asked you to join me.

"Seems like old times," you say, smiling.

"You said that with a smile," I answer.

"I'm feeling nostalgic."

"One day we'll all look back on this and giggle." I chuckle, but right now, I have The Butterflies: that mixture of anticipation and fear, and all the questions. Will my courage stand? Will my crew be true? Will you and I be alive tomorrow.

But wait, I really don't have to ask the question about my crew, now do I?

"It has been quite a ride," you say as we get to the last bend before command. I'm not really paying attention so I've gone four more paces before I notice your footsteps have stopped. "Dylan?" you say.

I stop and turn to you. You're standing there with an uncharacteristically nervous smile. Your body language reaffirms that. Ok, the stakes are higher than ever, but what could unnerve you after all we've been through?

I decide to play it cool. "Yeah?" I respond.

"Promise me something," you say.

I don't think twice about it. "You got it." Whatever it is, Beka, you've earned it 100 times over.

"If we get out of this, we'll always ride together."

I'm stunned. It snaps me back to almost a year ago, when you accused me of making you feel disposable. Where did you get that idea? Always ride together? How can we not? If it weren't for you …. Hell, Beka, if it weren't for you, I might be pushing up daisies on Sinti.

_It must have been cold there in my shadow,_  
_to never have sunlight on your face._  
_You were content to let me shine, that's your way._  
_You always walked a step behind._

The day I met you started more than two hundred years before you were born, and I had no clue what was coming. My biggest worries that morning were getting the battle stations response time down below three minutes and finalizing the details of my wedding. Even when we flew into the Nietzschean trap at Hephaestus, it never occurred to me that I would be dealing with something I couldn't handle.

But the Nietzschean trap was too good, too well planned, and we were out numbered. My only hope was to slingshot around the black hole. And it would have worked perfectly if Gaheris Rhade hadn't betrayed me. He shot Dawn and I had to fight for my life while *Andromeda* careened for the black hole. Oh, I know she did her best, but even she has her limits. But even then, with all that happened, I still didn't know how bad it would be.

Gaheris had told me he was proud of me and died. Then Andromeda was urgently calling my name. She asked me how I was. I said, "I'll live." Then she dropped the bombshell on me: In what had seemed like a second to me, we had been frozen in time for three hundred years.

Three.

Hundred.

Years.

Everyone I'd known was gone, but the Commonwealth still had to exist, right? My crew had got away and spread news of the Nietzschean fleet, so the rebellion had been put down, right? Had to be. Until I met Mr. Harper, and he dropped the second bomb: The Commonwealth was gone.

GONE.

I still can't wrap my brain around it sometimes. In hindsight, I'm glad I had to retake the ship from you and the rest of Gerentix's party; it kept me from stopping and thinking. But once all that was sorted out, I hit you with a request. Nothing, really. Just stick by me and help me restore the Commonwealth.

You eventually went along with it, but you said, "I won't salute you and I won't call you Captain." I had to admit, I admired your chutzpah. "'Dylan' will be fine," I said. Little did I know how far I would come from spit and polish!

Tyr would later accuse me of doing it to bend the Universe to my will. I can't say he didn't have a point. But I also did it for you. I saw your ship and the state of your crew and I wondered at the lives you had lead. Harper would have died if you hadn't found us, you know that? But there was one more reason, which I've never told anybody: I was terrified of being left alone on the *Andromeda,* because I wasn't sure I wouldn't eat a bullet. And Andromeda wouldn't have stopped me. Engage privacy mode, Andromeda. Don't worry about those letters I left in your database. Yes, by all means, keep in touch with the Sinti ground computer. And don't mind me while I clean my force lance. And yes, leave it on manual please.

BANG.

Having you guys around, at least for a while, would keep me from doing that. In all honesty, I didn't think it would last. I figured we'd find some remnant of the Commonwealth, by which time you would be sick of me, and we would go our separate ways and I would help the Commonwealth rebuild itself. But I didn't think you'd stay unless I offered something so outrageous you'd stay out of curiosity.

But then something happened: It worked. We got worlds to sign on. But more importantly, you and the others worked. I should have realized when Harper completed a day's worth of diagnostics in an hour and still had time to try (and fail) to convince Andromeda to participate in an "adult" game program. (Like she couldn't see the box cover. Besides, we'd had a lancer regiment. Believe me, she'd heard it all long before Harper showed up.) But you and I clicked, too, Beka. Oh, you were a pain in the neck, had your own agenda, and dealing with you had its own learning curve. But when we worked together, it seemed like nothing could stop us. And having to justify my actions to you meant I had to think things through, something I never did in a military environment.

But beyond all that, it seemed right. I couldn't imagine having someone else as my XO. Funny - I served with Gaheris Rhade for three years, but it almost seemed as if he was filling in for you because I had been born too early and had to catch up to you. I didn't really understand my feelings, though. But I was pleased everything was working out.

_So I was the one with all the glory,_  
_while you were the one with all the strength._  
_A beautiful face without a name for so long._  
_A beautiful smile to hide the pain._

Then came the day you almost killed yourself by using flash in the name of helping me get home. Yeah, I guessed you had an ulterior motive, but seeing you in the slipstream core, your skin pail and your eyes white, I was terrified I would watch you die. And when I grabbed you from behind, your heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in your shoulders. I'm amazed your heart didn't explode. If you hadn't been on the *Andromeda,* you would have died. And what would I have done without you?

_Did you ever know that you're my hero,_  
_and everything I would like to be?_  
_I can fly higher than an eagle,_  
_'cause you are the wind beneath my wings._

After that, I vowed to redouble my efforts, but more than that, I would not lose you if I could help it. I realized you weren't just a friend or peer or one of my officers. You're my anchor. You're a rock. You're the sun my planet orbits. You keep me focused, give me a kick in the butt when I need it, and give me a reason to come out of hell alive. By giving me a reason to live when I wanted to die, you saved me. I can't even begin to repay you for it. And if I had the courage to use the words, I would say I love you for it.

Fortunately, I never embarrassed myself, but I never felt the need. Somehow or other, by the time Trance swapped with … Trance, our differences smoothed out. Not sure how that happened, but I didn't complain. You were there for me, Beka. I never had to doubt you would watch my back. Whatever I faced, I knew I would face it with you. Even when you went to Tyr during that Route of Ages business, I never really doubted you. And I didn't hesitate to try and find a way to free you from the Abyss.

Then we got to Arkology, and it's left me with the impression the universe loves to kick my ass. First, I found out I'm Paradine. So to some extant or another, my life was lie. If being frozen in time was bad, this was worse. And all those people on Arkology were all placidly waiting to be Magog food. I couldn't allow that, no matter what else was happening.

Then the unthinkable happened: You thought it was suicidal to try and move the space colony and wanted to leave. And in all honesty, you were right. That situation had Little Big Horn written all over it; I knew that when I knew the Magog World Ship was one jump away. Trying to face it without you, it would be like going into a knife fight with my right hand cut off. But I also saw the wisdom of your leaving. You would survive, and sooner or later, spread the word. You'd be my Paul Revere. If anyone could muster a defense, the woman who kept the Perseids from leaving my charter and got world #50 to sign on could. When I went to say goodbye to you before you left, it took every ounce of self control not to cry. I knew if I did, you wouldn't go. I said I would see you again, kissed your hand, and had to force myself to leave your ship without looking back.

As Rhade likes to say, the fight went to hell in a bone basket. The casualties were staggering, but worse when Andromeda lost contact with Rommie. I knew the others were doomed, and all I could do was hope I made their deaths mean something, though I wouldn't have minded dying too. Then as I was flying a slip fighters towards the Route of Ages, you came back and got some Magog off my back. You radioed you were heading back for the others. Hey, Dylan, not a good place to be, what's say we split? But I was locked on course and couldn't help you. I almost screamed when I saw a squadron of swarm ships pounce on the *Maru.* That's right, I came so close to embarrassing myself it wasn't funny. Fortunately, I had to concentrate on my flying.

And then I went down the rabbit hole (again), the last egg in the crate (again), alone, not even the ship with me this time.

I never wanted to eat a bullet so bad.

_It might have appeared to go unnoticed,_  
_but I've got it all here in my heart._  
_I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it._  
_I would be nothing without you._

And that brought me to the Seefra system. Trying to figure it out gave me a reason not to kill myself, but stumbling on Rhade actually game me hope I could find you all. When I found you, yeah, you were pissing me off, but even that made me feel better. But then I found out I had skipped forward in time again, and you had all moved on a little by the time I showed up. But I couldn't let you go, couldn't you see that? But at least you guys stayed close. Trying to get you to help me was like trying to organize a Nietzschean charity drive (which I did that week you had the flu; that's how I found out where Orca pride had got to. Thought I told you about that. Never mind), but even then, I knew I could count on you. But the situation was hardly optimal; how could I possibly save Tarn Vedra (I know) with you so hard to work with?

Then I …. my future self, I mean … there's that headache … came up with a way to remind you of the bonds between us. Everything went a little smoother. So I thought everything was settled.

Which brings us back to now and your question:

"If we get out of this, we'll always ride together."

I cross to you and put my hands on your shoulders, the shoulders I felt your pulse in when I almost lost you to flash, and say the first words that come to mind:

"Beka. You were my first friend on this journey. And I promise you, you will be my last."

Your expression doesn't change much, but I see and feel you relax. Whatever has been eating you is no longer an issue, but I don't see why it would be. Because I can't see myself going anywhere without you, Beka. I can't see that at all.

_Did you ever know that you're my hero?_  
_You're everything I wish I could be._  
_I could fly higher than an eagle,_  
_'cause you are the wind beneath my wings._

Stop me if you've heard this one:

A paradine and the alpha mom of all Nietzscheans are headed for the Command Deck of a High Guard starship and the biggest fight of their lives. I don't have a joke here, Beka; that's just how my screwed up life is right now. But I couldn't have done any of it without you. You're my anchor. You're a rock. You're the sun my planet orbits. You keep me focused, give me a kick in the butt when I need it, and give me a reason to come out of hell alive. By giving me a reason to live when I wanted to die, you saved me. Leaving you a universe that's less crappy than the one you grew up in doesn't begin to repay you, and the funny part is, you probably don't even realize what you mean to me. But you've always been there for me, right from the start, even when you were there to loot my ship; and when my luck finally runs out and I go down in flames, I know you'll be right there with me, laughing at the devil and asking him if that's all he's got. And I'll probably roll my eyes and tell you to show some respect for the nice hell spawn who's killing us.

And every time I put my life in your hands and shout, "Beka! Get us out of here," I hope you realize that's my way of saying, "I love you."

Funny how life works out, isn't it?

(NOT NECESSARILY) THE END


End file.
